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When Our Choices Aren’t Clear (Wellness Spells Series)

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Sometimes we come to a place in our lives where our choices just aren’t clear. This can be debilitating. I think this is because we can sometimes take our lives so seriously- and for good reason. Who wants to mess up? Who wants to make the wrong choice and regret it?

When I studied abroad in college, I noticed something strange. Choices that I had never even considered suddenly came before me. It was as though my creativity had increased ten-fold. I started fantasizing about all sorts of life options. Opening up a gift shop? Why not? Driving across the country by myself? Sure! I think this was because I was in this liminal place where I was removed from my culture and from my usually very strong (too strong?) sense of reality and expectations. Whatever the reason, anything seemed possible.

Now, it does pay to be realistic, don’t get me wrong. However, as I have gotten older, I have come to realize the importance of experience. If we are not in this life to fully experience it, then what is the point? And there are only so many experiences we can truly have if we are always standing at the crossroads. So, if the consequences of failure aren’t too very high, I think there is also a benefit to just making a decision and running with it. Otherwise, we will find ourselves in our old age still standing at a crossroads and wondering, “What if?” Not to mention, pondering choices is stressful in and of itself.

I mentioned in an earlier post in this series the importance of taking a small step. So long as failing won’t cause us severe harm in the long-term, why not take a step towards one choice and see how it feels? Want to go into fashion but unsure about leaving the security of your job? Why not take a class or two to learn more about it? Want to move across the country but worried about the consequences of taking that leap? Why not book a small vacation? Always thought about adopting but unsure if you want to go through the process? Why not request more information? Need to leave a toxic situation that you feel trapped in? Why not take a short reprieve if you feel safe in doing so? Sometimes putting ourselves out there in a small way can have huge results because, even though it’s a little thing, we go from being stagnant to being dynamic. Then it becomes easier to commit to our choice because what was once scary and foreign to us has become a reality.

Today’s wellness spell is:

Get off the crossroads. 

By this I mean, don’t let your life be stagnated by indecision. If the risk isn’t too high, go for it. If the risk IS high, then maybe there is someone you trust, or even a licensed counselor, that you can talk it over with before you make a choice. Either way, none of us deserve a half-life on the crossroads.

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Inner Dialogue Mindfulness (Wellness Spells Series)

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I hope you are enjoying the Wellness Spells series so far.

I would like to talk about our inner dialogue this week. Have you ever had a moment where an unexpected thought crept into your inner dialogue and surprised you? After seeing a photo of myself recently in the height of my dancing years in high school when I was thin and toned, I found myself inadvertently thinking, “I should focus more on weight loss and less on health.” When I realized this thought passed through my mind, I was stunned. I’m a huge advocate of health. Furthermore, I’m in a healthy weight range, have good blood pressure, good sugar levels, eat well, and exercise regularly. There is no problem with my weight, but in that moment, I perceived a problem.

Now, I’m not someone who ordinarily thinks things like this about weight, but I think that made it all the more shocking. I would be willing to bet that a lot of us -and especially women- have a thought that slips into our minds like this from time to time. It’s just a sign of how pervasive this kind of rhetoric is in our society that even with the best of intentions, it still creeps in.

This week, I would invite you to take close notice of the things you tell yourself. Are you practicing self-kindness? Does this kindness extend to your innermost thoughts? Or are some thoughts intruding that are unkind? You spend more time with yourself than you do with anyone else, so you might as well try to be a good friend to yourself. Would you want to be around someone who is unkind to you? Who tells you that you need to lose weight when you are healthy? Or that you have done a poor job at what you do? Or that you should try much harder when you are already trying? We don’t often think about the things we tell ourselves, but they can be harmful, especially if we don’t acknowledge them and let them have their way, so to speak.

I don’t know about you, but I try not to be around people who say things like that and treat me that way. And yet, if I’m being honest, I sometimes find myself being that kind of friend to me. I’m guessing I’m not alone in this (ahem, perfectionists of the world, I’m looking at you). There is a big difference between encouraging ourselves to grow and improve and being hard on ourselves. It takes a very conscious awareness of our own inner dialogue to be able to improve our own self-talk.

So, if you haven’t done this before, I invite you to listen to the inner dialogue you tell yourself and make sure you are being a good friend to the most central person in your life: you.

Today’s Wellness Spell is:

Be your own friend.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking something unkind about you?

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Elitism and Wellness Trends (Wellness Spells Series)

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Before I get too deep into my Wellness Spells series, I would like to address something that has been on my mind. Lately, I have seen a lot of very thoughtful posts that are critical of wellness or lifestyle trends. The particular ones I am seeing getting a lot of flak lately: minimalism, veganism/plant-based living, yoga, and the tiny house movement. There have been others, but those I have seen the most. The general critique is that such practices make a lifestyle that is common or compulsory for some into something glamorized, expensive, and/or culturally insensitive and accessible only by the elite.

Let’s take minimalism as an example. Criticisms of the minimalist movement are that it glamorizes a lifestyle that is compulsory for many (by limiting spending), that it simultaneously is inaccessible for persons living month-to-month due to an emphasis on making expensive, quality purchases rather than smaller, more frequent purchases, and that it is mostly taken up by people of a certain status.

I think these criticisms are definitely worth addressing and am grateful that someone has done so, but as someone who spends a lot of time promoting wellness, I would like to take a closer look at them and address a few issues with the criticisms. First, I do think that these criticisms tend to come about in the height of these trends, after they have, essentially, been turned into commercial commodities, marketed, and after the most extremist forms of these lifestyles have been highlighted:

  • A critic of the tiny house movement is rarely looking at the baby boomer unemployed during the recession who lost his home, had no money left for retirement, and hoped that downsizing  and turning away from conventional ideas of “more square footage is better” would allow him to live peacefully; they are looking at the 100K deluxe mobile tiny home with the sauna and the heated floor they see on TV or on Pinterest.
  • A critic of yoga isn’t looking at the early Eastern yogis who sought to spread their practices to the West when they felt that people here were lacking wellness practices and spiritual connection; they are looking at the expensive classes, pricey workout clothes, and an emphasis on appearance with no spiritual, cultural, or historical understanding.
  • A critic of minimalism isn’t looking at a young graduate who is loaded with student loan debt and is trying to simplify and prioritize her spending habits to save money and invest in what she truly wants out of life; they are looking at the glossy minimalist loft apartments in magazines and the corporate executives who chose to ascribe to a simpler lifestyle after becoming highly successful and who only own 100 things.

It should be said: to be able to focus on our self-actualization is a privilege in and of itself. In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, it falls at the top of the pyramid. When we are concerned for our safety or we have nothing to eat, we will not be able to prioritize nourishing our own potential. Even wellness in and of itself is hard to focus on if illness is an issue. So, in that way alone, I can’t in good conscience say that there isn’t an aspect of elitism in wellness trends that we should be aware of.

We are all in different places in terms of what we need in life. That doesn’t mean, though, that taking the time to address self-actualization if we are fortunate enough to be able to do so is a bad thing; in fact, I would argue that it is the responsible choice to make. This kind of emotional growth can and should come with an awareness of the disparities in the world and a drive to help rectify that.

Along that line, I also think that people are realizing that even the most privileged lifestyles have their downsides. I once heard an explanation to justify minimalism that went something like, “Excessive consumerism is a first-world problem, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a problem.”** I truly believe that living an overly-consumerist lifestyle is toxic, both to our own well-being and to the world at large. We are consuming too many products, too much meat and junk food, too much television, too much plastic, too much of our own time and money, just too much of everything. All of this distracts from focusing on our well-being and having a deeper awareness of the world around us. Taking the time to re-assess and prioritize what we really want and need to let into our lives and what kind of person we want to be is necessary.

I have two suggestions:

First, if you yourself follow any kind of trend, be it a wellness trend or something else, consider looking a bit more into its foundations and stripping it down to the essentials. Does this trend have an important cultural history and are you aware of what that is? Have you given thought to what this trend means to you, personally, and how it has changed your life? Are you caught up in the pricey goods, the bells and whistles, because you feel that you need those things in order to follow this trend? Does the reality of the trend truly match the fantasy that is being sold? Does the trend have scientific validity? Have you thought about where you purchase the products for your trend and if they are made ethically? Have you thought about if the way you talk about the trend is sensitive to others?

And secondly, for the critics, I would also suggest stripping these trends down to their essentials. Pay less attention to the designer stores, TV shows, and extremists and more to the everyday, heartfelt stories found online, the people trying to make the best out of bad situations, working with what they have, and finding hope in small changes that bring them joy. Research where the trends started and why. Ask yourself why the trend bothers you; is it because the trend is inherently insensitive, because you just don’t like it, or maybe even because you feel uncomfortable with the idea of personal growth? Whatever you do, by all means don’t stop bringing up valid criticisms, just please do so respectfully and with a comprehensive understanding of the trend itself.

So, today’s Wellness Spell is:

A critical eye with a joyful heart.

To me this phrase means to examine our passions in life to really get to the root of them, but to also take note of what makes us happy. We shouldn’t ignore the things that truly tickle our heart; in one way or another they are trying to tell us something. At times, though, this may mean finding a different method to reach that same feeling or digging a little deeper into just what it means to us and why.

I hope this has been helpful; I really value wellness myself and wish to continue promoting it in a respectful way. It is very exciting to me that so many wellness practices are coming to the forefront right now and I think that is great. If you have any additional thoughts on the matter that I didn’t cover, please let me know.

**If anyone can help me find this quote and credit it, please let me know! I think it may have been from a documentary but can’t find it.

 

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