Three things happened to me this past week that were a wake-up call:
- I overheard a volunteer at my work refer to me as a “lady.”
- A younger coworker commented that I “looked tired.”
- I wasn’t carded when I ordered a wheat beer at a restaurant.
All of those things were true. I’m not a girl; I’m a lady. I was tired. I’m not twenty-one; I’m thirty.
So why did I feel bad? Maybe because I’m not at the point in my professional life where I thought I’d be at this age? Maybe because life hasn’t exactly played out how I’d anticipated it would? Maybe because society pays attention to (or objectifies) younger women while ignoring older women? Or maybe because I have a husband who still gets carded when buying video games?
Rather than sit in the muck for too long about this, though, I turned my attention to Wabi Sabi. If you are unfamiliar with Wabi Sabi, it’s a Japanese philosophy that states three principles:
- Nothing is perfect.
- Nothing is permanent.
- Nothing is complete.
In short, it’s a reverence for the transience and imperfection of life. Wabi Sabi philosophy believes life is all the more beautiful for its continuously changing state. The bumps, cracks, and rough edges of Wabi Sabi objects make them all the more beautiful. You can find Wabi Sabi in a patched dress or a cracked mug that has been repaired.
We can also find Wabi Sabi in ourselves. We are all imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete. Rather than having that be a source of stress, it can be a source of beauty. The cracks and bumps we acquire, inside and out, can make us all the more beautiful. The wisdom we have accumulated over the years shows up not only in our minds, but can be seen on our faces. I think that is a beautiful thing, and something worth celebrating.
March 6, 2018 at 12:09 pm
I picked up a great quote from Brene Brown the other day.”We must work to let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as a marker of self-worth.” I am 70 and still sometimes compare myself to my college classmates in their class notes. What an utter waste of time. May we both accept that life has brought us to this exact moment and that for some unknown reason our writing connect us.
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March 11, 2018 at 11:46 am
That is a beautiful quote, and so true! In my field, there is sometimes an element of “martyrdom,” that if you’re not denying your own needs, you aren’t working hard enough. But I have learned that you can’t care for others without first caring for yourself. And yes, the comparison game is so unhelpful!
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March 11, 2018 at 4:57 pm
Glad you liked the quote. I have it on my office wall.
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